


Avocado Syndrome

by TheLittleTrashCat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Again, Amnesia, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Attempt at Humor, Candy, Car Accidents, Car Sex, Coffee, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is Extra, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Comedy, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hair Braiding, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Humor, Knives, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, Not described at all, Oh wait, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Sexual Humor, Sleepiness, Swearing, Threats of Violence, Violence Against Toasters, Watching Someone Sleep, and you will not believe whos doing it, anyways blame sheer boredom for this fic, bad things will happen, dont give virgil and deceit coffee candy and other sugar at the same time, i think, idk - Freeform, idk what else to tag, ill tag as i go ig, im done now, it burned romans hand because he was impatient so he yeeted it across the living room, okay there we go, only described as a Thing that happened, only mentioned as a Thing that happened, so much swearing oh my god
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-08 02:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20288092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleTrashCat/pseuds/TheLittleTrashCat
Summary: Thomas, while taking an uber to his house after visiting a friend, gets in a car accident, and he has put into a medically induced coma.And, before you start getting worried about him, he's fine, he'll wake up when they want him to.It's the sides that you should be worried about.AkaA borderline crack fic that popped into my brain while I was suffering from pure boredom, featuring a dumbass Logan, a hyper Roman, an overly relaxed and affectionate Virgil, an amnesiac Patton, an extremely tired Deceit, and a shockingly sane Remus.





	1. aw, shit

**Author's Note:**

> i do not apologize

When he woke up, he had no idea where he was.

Underneath him was what felt like a hardwood floor and above him was a white ceiling.

Sitting up, he discovered that he was in a completely empty room, with plain white walls, a mahogany hardwood floor, a surprisingly full closet (which he'd have to look at later), and what looked like a plain bathroom.

Which was...plain.

Plain confusing, that is.

(Why did a part of him laugh at that?)

What was he doing here? He tried to think back and found that..he couldn't. Who was he?

What was his name?

Anxiety churned in his stomach, but he pushed it way and stood up, figuring that maybe out that door was someone who could help him figure out why he woke up starfish in a completely empty room.

Pushing the door open, he was met with a...hall. With doors.

Kinda anticlimactic, but whatever.

Deciding to head to the nearest room, he pulled the door opem and was met with what _ looked _like a picture of an study room...room, with clean, sharp, abstract edges, cool tones, shelves, bookshelves, books binders and papers neatly organized, closeted full of neatly folded and hung up clothes of different types, except the bed is where it stopped looking like a picture perfect bedroom and more like a...dumpster.

The bed (white four poster, all legs square, navy blue comforter with night constellations on it and a soft pink blanket,complete with grey sheets, small, light grey bookshelf at the foot of it) was an unmade mess, and sprawled across it, looking regretfully made and even more of a mess, was a person, surrounded by candy wrappers.

Dressed in a dark grey long shirt with a thin sharp v and plain black shorts, glasses askew and a hand currently buried in a bag of skinny popcorn while the other scrolled on a laptop, face twisted in a grimace, they looked like they belong in an equally trashed college dorm.

"Um...hello?" he asked.

Not even looking up from their laptop, the person replied, "Hey Patton," before shoving a handful of kernels into his mouth, several spilling all over his chest and keyboard.

_ My name is Patton? _ he thought. _ Weird. _

Suddenly, there was a loud, sudden scream, and he jumped, whirling around, but no one was there.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked.

"Probably Roman," the person said from behind him, clearly talking through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Dude, can you not?" he asked tiredly, turning around, "And who the fuck is Roman? Who the fuck are _ you?" _

"Logan?" they- Logan said confusedly. "Do you seriously not remember, Patton?"

"No, and why do you keep calling me Patton?!"

Logan blinked. "Because..it's your name? Do you not remember anything-" their eyes lit up with understanding "-Oh! You have that one thing, where you can't remember anything! Uh, what's it, what's it," they snapped their fingers, "Starts with an A, uh, a-a-a-ah! Avocado Syndrome!" Logan exclaimed, grinning proudly.

He facepalmed.

"What?" Logan asked through a mouthful of popcorn. 

"Nothing," he sighed, figuring that the dumbass in front of him didn't know anything, and probably wasn't even right about his name (Not diss his potential own name but what kind of name is Patton?). So, he would have to look elsewhere, and his search for answers would have to continue elsewhere.

He left the room without a word, and set his sights on the door next to the room he had woken up, which was bright yellow with a black door frame, and was currently cracked open.

_ That's loud, _he thought, pushing it open all the way.

The room inside could only be described as..soft. 

The floor was a dark hardwood with a large, fluffy, bright yellow rug. The light grey, almost white walls were covered with pictures of various landscapes. There was a large desk covered in books on what looked to be philosophy, a cork board above it covered in what looked like character profiles. On both sides of the desk were tall bookshelves filled with books and knick knacks. Next to the door was wall coat hanger, with a cape and a bowler hat hanging on it. There were a few wrappers here and there, as well as a few clothes scattered around. All in all, it was fairly decent room. Somewhat messy, somewhat neat, with a fair bit of personality.

Like Logan's room, however, the bed was a different story.

It _ looked _like it had grey sheets with a purple blanket and black cover, but on top of that was a pile of blankets and pillows of various colors and sizes, as well as so, so many plushies.

The pile appeared to be rising and falling ever so slightly, so he decided to go investigate.

And, sure enough, curled up in a ball within the nest of fluff was a person.

Who had scales.

He jerked away with a yelp, but the apparently part snake person slept on.

Glancing at the nest they had built themselves, he figured that rousing them would be a...bad idea.

He also noted that (aside from the scales) they seemed...vaguely similar to Logan? Even laying down he could tell that they were shorter, and Logan had more sharp defining features, whereas this snake boy had more...soft edges, and was _ smaller. _He also had freckles.

When he was done staring, he left the room and paused at the door next to it, which was purple.

"What is it with these people and brightly colored doors?" he muttered to himself, pushing the door open.

Inside was a...fairly messy room, following a….somewhat similar pattern as the previous one.

Dark hardwood, with darker grey walls, it had spiderwebs all around (which was highly unsettling...was there a reason for that?). There was a desk by the door, with a white staircase cubby hole(s?), filled with various knick knacks and fidgets. The desk had what looked like a bunch of checklists, a laptop at the back of the desk, which, by the way, was covered in candy wrappers. The closet door was closed, and there was a TV mounted to the wall in the corner, gaming systems piled on a short table under it. The window was covered by spider curtains (which made his heart rate pick up). Pushed against the wall was a bed with dark purple pillows and a purple and black quilted plaid cover, and lounging across it and scrolling on there phone was a person.

They were dressed in a black hoodie with a purple stormcloud on it, black ripped skinny jeans and old purple high top converse with stiff scribbled all over the white parts. Underneath their eyes were black eyeshadow, for some reason, and atop their purple hair was a…spider.

He shrieked, arms instinctively flinging in front of him, and the person looked up from their phone, starterled. 

"Patton?" they asked, eyes wide, "What are you doing in my room?"

Letting out a slow exhale, eyes never leaving the spider, he said, "Who are you?"

"Virgil," th-Virgil said, putting their phone down, "Do you not remember me?"

"No," he said slowly.

"Do you remember _ anything?" _Virgil asked 

"No," he said, "Logan said I had "Avacodo Syndrome" but honestly their a dumbass so I didn't listen."

"Oh," Virgil said, sitting up, "You have Amnesia. Okay, um," they ran a hand through their hair, "He him pronouns all around if you were wondering. Um, Logan isn't usually a dumbass but eh," he shrugged, " whatever. Yeah, um, your name is Patton."

H- Patton nodded. "Okay. Um, do you know the...snake guy?" he asked slowly, "Because I didn't wanna wake him up so I don't know his name.

Virgil's eyes lit up. "Deceit?" he asked hopefully.

"Is Deceit part snake? If so, then yes, that's who I'm talking about."

Virgil grinned. "Thanks, Pop-Star!" he shouted, rushing past him.

"Oh...kay? God, these people are so weird," Patton muttered.

Patton's eyes widened. "Aw, shit, I'm one of them aren't I."


	2. disaster duo

There was only one more door left for Patton to go through, and it looked like a regular old door. White door frame, white door, and a hundred and one Disney stickers on it, as well as the word "Creativity" with half of it golden disney font, the other half a black and green drippy mess. 

Honestly, Patton was kind of scared to go in, because, presumably this was where the scream came from. Inside, he could hear muffled talking, and Patton didn't think he'd been more scared to open a door in his life (even though he only had like five minutes of memories).

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open.

And then immediately shut it. Then opened it again, because he still didn't have any answers.

Inside, it _ really _looked like Christmas had exploded.

It was the biggest room he had seen so far, with a high ceiling, a large closet in on the right corner, a bathroom next to that, and a bunk bed, the top bed covered in green and the bottom red.

The floor was dark hardwood like the previous rooms, with giant fluffy zebra rug covering most of the floor. The walls were a whitish yellowish tan color, with posters of all kind and artwork hanging up all over the place. There was a large desk on the left wall, bookshelves on either side of it filled to the brim. The desk had several loose papers, several binders and notebooks scattered haphazardly across it. There were a few sketchbooks, and a couple of laptops and tablets stacked on top of each other, covered in stickers. There was also a large, green octopus plushie next to a small plant and a little bead dragon next to that. Above all that was a shelf, and above that was a large map of some sort of land. Tucked away in the far left corner was a dungeon door, which was weird.

However, the occupants of the room seemed...also weird.

They bore a somewhat close resemblance to each other, but Patton didn't really care.

The shorter one of them had a decent tan, and, dressed in what looked like a Disney Prince outfit made by a theater student, Patton was pretty sure that he was just a loud in personality.

Well, considering he was currently violently scribbling something in a notebook on a hammock in the corner of the ceiling and covered in papers, a mountain of papers underneath him, crumpled and spilling out of the hammock as he watched, it wasn't hard to figure that out.

The taller (and significantly paler) one, which was currently starting up at his (presumably) roomate with distress, was dressed like a Disney villain, with a moustache and partly...greyish bangs? They looked like they were silver, but also gray, and also white. It was confusing.

The person on the hammock was talking a mile a minute, and every once in a while stopped to scratch a tally mark on the wall. 

As he watched, Patton was pretty sure that he watched the green sashed one's soul leave his body, which was, big mood.

Knocking on the door frame, Patton said, "Knock who's there?"

Green (as Patton had dubbed him) whirled around with a yelp, and up in his hammock Red screeched.

Upon seeing him, Green's shoulders sagged with relief. "Oh thank god," he breathed, "Someone sane is here."

Patton arched an eyebrow. "You mean to say you're not sane?"

"Not normally, no," Green said, running a hand through his hair. "Have you seen any of the other's? Are they normal?" His eyes narrowed. "Are _ you _normal?"

"Well, I have Amnesia so I don't know literally anything but Deceit was buried under a pile of blankets and plushies, and Logan is a fucking dumbass and told me I have "Avocado Syndrome" which I have been informed by Virgil is not normal, so," he shrugged, "Take it how you will."

Green sighed. "Of course you have Amnesia. Of course you do!" he muttered. "Okay, um, I'm Remus, also known as The Duke and the...I don't even know how to describe him-"

"Dumass two?" Patton suggested.

"Sure," Remus agreed, "Dumbass two up there is my twin brother Roman."

Patton nodded. "Cool, cool, now, since you're the only person who's talked to ne for more than two sentences and are apparently recently sane so do you mind explaining what they fuck we're doing here?"

"Well," Remus began, "I should probably start by saying our functions."

"Functions?" 

"Yeah, functions. We're sides."

"Sides? Sides of what?" Patton asked.

"Thomas," Remus replied. "We're physical representations of parts of him.

"Makes sense, I guess," Patton said, "Where are we?"

"Inside of Thomas' mind. The Mindscape, as it's called."

"So, wait, let me get this straight-"

"Good luck with that!" Remus winked.

"-shut up anyways we are parts of Thomas, and we live in his mind?"

Remus bobbed his head. "Yeah. We can "sink out" or like. Rise up and appear wherever, either some in the Mindscape or in the real world, provided that it's near Thomas."

"Alright," Patton said slowly. "What do I represent? And why doesn't Deceit have a name?"

"Oh, he does," Remus said, "He just hasn't told anyone. It's _ kinda _a personal thing for us sides." He was quite for a moment, the only sound filling the room being Roman's chattering, before he quietly said, "You're Morality. Me and Roman used to a single person, but you split us not a day after you formed. Romas is "good" Creativity whereas I'm "bad" Creativity."

Patton was quite, before he responded," Past me was an idiot," voice hard with certainty.

Remus jerked slightly, wide eyes flying up to meet him. "W-what?!"

"Past me was an idiot," he repeated. "I may not remember how bad you supposedly used to be, but you seem pretty fine now and honestly splitting someone in half doesn't seem very moral."

"You saw the world in black and white," Remus said, almost as if he was trying to justify Morality's actions.

"Someone should have introduced me to color," Patton quipped, mouth quirking into a grin.

Remus chuckled, giving him a small smile. "Yeah," he agreed softly.

Suddenly, the door burst open, revealing Logan, one hand on the door as he panted, eyes wide, and Roman screeched loudly and fell out of his hammock. Virgil meandered in a moment later, an easy grin on his face as Deceit clung onto his back like a koala.

Logan took a deep breath, before he screamed, "THOMAS IS IN A COMA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like you all to know that logan said _com_a, as in this thing -> ,


	3. punctuation

"Did you...did you just say...did you just say  _ coma?  _ As in the  _ punctuation?" _

Virgil laughed. "Uh, yeah, Patton, did you need to get your ears checked?"

Patton gave him a dry stare.

"Do you mean...coma?" Remus asked.

Logan snapped his fingers, eyes lighting up. "Oh! Yeah, that's it." 

"THAT IS AMAZING!" Roman shouted suddenly, startling everyone.

Patton turned on him, eyes blazing. "How?! I haven't even been awake for 10 minutes and even  _ I  _ know that's a bad thing!"

"Yeah but I can do whatever I want!" Roman exclaimed happily, bouncing on his toes, and it would have been adorable if not the situation at hand. "Because he's in a coma!"

Patton turned to the other sides. "And this bothers  _ none of you?" _

Remus tentatively raised his hand. "It bothers me?"

Patton facepalmed with an aggressive sight.

"I don't know why you're so up in arms about this, Pop-Star," Virgil said, reaching up a hand to play with Deceit's hair, "This seems fine to me."

Remus' face paled, a strange horror etching across his face.

"What?" Patton asked, immediately on edge and worried. "What is it?"

"You-" Remus cut himself off. "This doesn't bother you?" he asked Virgil. "At all?"

Virgil shook his head. "Nope," he popped.

Remus' soul left his body again.

Patton felt dread curl in his stomach. "Why..why is Virgil not caring a bad thing?"

"Because," Remus began, turning to face him, lips pressed tight and eyebrows pinched with worry, "Virgil represents Thomas' Anxiety."

Patton inhaled sharply. "Shit," he summarized.

"Shit," Remus agreed.

"You know what we should do?" Logan asked. He didn't wait for a response, and he clapped his hands together, a wide grin on his face as he examined, "Have a meet-and-greet!"

Patton could feel a headache forming. "You mean a meeting?" he asked tiredly. 

Logan nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah!!!" 

Patton could almost  _ hear  _ the unnecessary exclamation marks.

"Fine," he sighed.

Logan surged forward and pulled him into a tight hug and Patton froze, arms sticking out to the side. "Thanks Patton!" Logan said into his ear, before he pulled away and galloped out the door, shouting, "I'll get it set up!" over his shoulder.

"Should we trust him?" Remus asked.

Patton thought about it for a moment. "No."

Remus chuckled at the same time Virgil asked, "Why not? He hasn't given us a reason to not trust him."

"You mean  _ aside  _ from giving us blatantly false information?"

Virgil blinked, then frowned. "Hey, he just made a mistake, don't judge him for that!"

Beside him, Roman did his toe bounce again. "Can I go help him? Can I can I can I can I can I can I can I-"

"Yes, you can go!" Patton shouted exasperatedly.

"Yay!" Roman grinned, and then bolted out the door. Virgil gave him an amused glance and followed after him, Deceit's snores and Roman's happy giggles fading as they got farther away, and then it was quiet.

Patton breathed a sigh of relief, because he was finally alone.

Well. Somewhat alone.

"It's nice and quiet without the hooligans, huh?" Remus asked, and Patton laughed softly.

"Yeah."

"You won't believe it, but yesterday I would have been one of those hooligans."

Patton turned his head to him in disbelief. "No! You wouldn't have!"

"I so would!"

Patton shook his head. "No. Nope. You are far too sane for that."

"I wasn't sane though," Remus reminded him.

"I don't believe you."

"You should, though, because I was  _ pretty  _ off the rails...dude."

Patton's eyes narrowed. "Are you  _ sure?" _

_ "Yes,"  _ Remus insisted, "I'm boggled by my sanity."

"Sounds fake but okay."

Remus sighed. "Whatever. I'm gonna go make sure they don't accidentally kill themselves."

"You do that," Patton said distractedly.

He had barely been awake and he already a shit ton of things to process.

Fuck his life.

  
  


* * *

  
  


Remus was certain of three things.

One, he was surprisingly, shockingly, strangely, amazingly, unexpectedly, unexplainedly, sane.

That is to say, his brain was...surprisingly slow. He could think something, and then not have to...blurt it out. Well, sort of. Of course, his brain was still a never ending cascade of thoughts, but when he was entertaining his most recent idea, he could actually...think. 

Roman had described the strange sensation of thought like this:

"It's kinda like...my brain is a constantly flowing river, and ever new topic is a bend in the river, and before it reaches that bend only ideas for that one thing could be thought of easily. Not that I can't do it, of course, but I can think really in depth thoughts about one particular topic, but only one with all my focus and effort. It's hard to juggle multiple things without losing interest in one. And, when I have normal people thoughts, it's weird, because I used to never just sit and think about...people and things around me, or how I was feeling, or how people may be feeling, or having internal dialogue about the things happening around me. It's like, now that I'm...well, it's like I've finally started processing the world around me, and really starting to...take it all in and live in the moment."

At the time, Remus had written it off as Roman's usual three am weirdness (which, now, he realized, was just him being honest about his feelings in a somewhat subtle way and Remus had brushed it off as nonsense oh shit-) but now that Remus was...well, whatever he was, he could totally understand what he had been talking about, and yeah Roman, processing things was  _ really weird. _

The second thing Remus was certain of, is that  _ something  _ had happened to the sides because of Thomas being in a coma. Roman was being...honestly he did know how to describe him, Deceit seemed to just be sleeping, Virgil didn't care, which was alarming, Logan was an absolute  _ idiot _ and Patton had Amnesia.

Or, Avocado Syndrome.

So, apparently, he was the only sane side left who wasn't Patton.

Well, he was hoping that when Deceit woke up, he'd be normal.

If he wasn't, the Remus didn't know  _ what  _ he'd do.

(Panic, probably.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just me casually projecting onto roman
> 
> if anyone was curious, what roman was about to say was something along the lines of "now that im not depressed i gotta say not being dead inside is wild lmao"
> 
> (!!! i! am planning a sci-fi au. i probs wont post it anytime soon but!! be on the lookout if thats something that interests you)


End file.
